And here I am, twenty-seven! That most magical of ages where major-league baseball players hit their strides and rock-and-roll stars die in drug-fueled embraces.

According to Wikipedia, a great number of things happened on August 18th throughout antiquity. Among them: the discovery of helium (1868), Hitler temporarily halts the euthanasia of the mentally ill and handicapped (1941), Jimi Hendrix takes the stage on the last official day of Woodstock (1969). Other birthdays include Denis Leary, Patrick Swayze, Max Factor, Ed Norton and Christian Slater.

Back last Saturday, Kelly ran a triathlon! The E. P. Tom Sawyer Triathlon, which she ran last year in 1:47. It’s an 800 meter swim, a 14 mile bike, and a 5K (3.1 mile) run. This year, we think she did it in 1:35ish – an excellent time!

I took some photos at the Triathlon, but only a few because Kelly was so fast! (PS – the doughnuts were emphasis mine, not Kelly’s). You can see the photos here: 2005.08.06 – Triathlon!

Later on that day, we went to the Louisville Zoo, specifically to see the Lorikeets! On the way, we saw otters (one did ten backflips in a row!), seals, tortoises and penguins – all of which Kelly wanted to keep in our bathtub(s). The Lorikeets were great, though it is clear these birds are heathens compared to those in Cincinatti. Kelly was shat upon and I was bitten, though I gave my nectar to him! Ingrates! We had plans to go to the Street Rod Nationals, but we got up at 5AM, and were bushed by the time we got home. Kelly had an excuse – she ran a triathlon and was awesome. My excuse? None. I took some photos of our zoo trip as well: 2005.08.06 – Zoo!

So yesterday morning, in a fit of very rare TV-watching, made even rarer by the fact that I was watching MTV, I noticed something odd. Good ol’ Music Television had a profile of the very un-MTV Sufjan Stevens. I have also just announced to Good Ol’ Cholly Dillon that I cannot stop listening to Illinois, Sufjan’s latest creation.

More on this at The Confabulators.

Took a late lunch today, and I have this to share:

I don’t know if ALL Thornton’s around town are going to switch over to the abomination that the Blankenbaker Road store have become, but if they do – be forewarned.

I occassionally would walk over there to get a tasty sandwich (of my own choosing) from Subway. The old ladies (angry) who worked there were a constant source of amusement and scorn for us here at Power. “What kinda bread you wont?” “I got 3 different kinda cheese here, honey!” All shaking their fists at the system that has entrapped them and relieved them of their dreams and wishes and what-not. Such was their ire that occassionally they’d Peter North your sandwich, despite your tearful pleas of “go light on the mayo”. This back-and-forth required a certain skill. Those uninitiated were always welcomed to try their hand. Eventually you’d master that skill and you’d get a tasty sandwich of your choosing. This whole human drama, for whatever reason, has been put to an end.

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Gone are the clear sneeze-shield and brass rails that decorated the Subway. Gone is the underground-themed wallpaper. Gone are the 5 loaves of bread to showcase the wealth of choice. Tthis has been replaced with an opaque stainless-steel hood so high that you can’t see the hands of the people making your sandwich. Also, the counter is set some 4 feet back, thus only separating you further from the people that will make your sammich. The real deal-breaker — the real slap in the loaf is this: YOU NOW ORDER VIA KIOSK.

Part of the reason I went to Subway (aside from the cheerful banter with the Subway hags) was to actually SEE my sub being made to the specifications I had previously uttered to the sandwich artist! If I said “hey, I’d like light low-fat mayo” I could see them putting the mayo on there and say “WOAH WOAH WOAH” when I had enough. But now I can’t see the sammich before it’s done and for all I know those ladies could be naked from the waist down (GAH!)

Back to the kiosk… when I was about ready to finish my order, some Thornton’s-clad douchebag strolls up next to me and starts pointing and explaining to me what to do next. I stopped him mid-sentence and said “Thanks, but I think I can handle this.” Turns out he’s some executive from Thorntons. He then tore off my receipt as if I couldn’t do it myself and handed me a coupon to get the deal for the day. All of which were within arms reach to me, and made painfully obvious.

So I get my food, which turned out to be a Turkey Sub and some waffle-cut fries (that was their deal for the day). I noticed they didn’t pull the fries out of a fryer like you would expect, but instead pulled them out of some oven-like contraption. DAMN. That stuff is straight-up frozen! And judging by the wide array of other foods they sell (pizza, toasted subs, corn dogs, etc) most of that crap will be frozen as well. I’ll tell you that I was not looking forward to this sammich at ALL.

The food was acceptable, but only because I paid $3.79 for the whole lot of it. Subway is far, far better and I certainly didn’t get EXACTLY the sammich I wanted like I would have normally. I only plan on going back to attempt to push that crap-worthy system to it’s very limits. Like asking that all the condiments be put on “lightly” and demanding that I see the sandwich after each step. Hopefully my skills of sammich-banter will incite a riot, or at least some accusatory remarks from the former Sandwich Artists that are now relegated to impersonal food contruction. As Charlie put it: “It’s like a vending machine with someone trapped inside” (paraphrase). Yeah, that’s it exactly.

While paying for my food at the main checkout, the cashier and I started up a conversation. As she was struggling with the new computers to run my card through as credit, I remarked “Modern convenience sho’ is grand, isn’t it?” She leaned in close (as to not be heard by the Thornton’s execs) and said “We are all about to friggin’ snap here…”

Note: this is repost of an email I sent out ot my friends. It was well received and made a girl giggle on her birthday, so I guess it’s worthy of mass broadcasting. And yes, while I was formulating this rant I did feel like Pat from Achewood.

Further note: This new-fangled Subway replacement is called SubWorks!. To quote the Thornton’s website: “The SubWorks proprietary food program allows customers to order top-quality sandwiches and other food items via a touchscreen menu—and then to receive orders in three minutes or less.” They forgot to mention the subjugation of human interaction.

I have never really considered myself an expert on much of anything save for “What does Ben think about when he lays down at night?”, but it’s becoming apparent to me that people at here at work consider me an expert in THE INTERNET. Obviously they hired me because I had a working knowledge thereof, but I figured there were people here that knew better than I. I apparently was wrong.

By saying “THE INTERNET”, I use the broadest of terms here because while the Internet is as wide as say, space – you don’t find many people with a Doctorate of Space studies. Perhaps you did when the idea of Space was new, perhaps even 10 years after we realized that we could poke holes in the sky. Now there are many, many specializations in Space Science, like astronomy, astropaleontology, astrophysics, temporal physics, etc. Again drawing from the Space/Internet parallel, there are many different aspects of the ‘web to be knowledgeable in. There are the programmers who create the application that you are using to view this web-page. There are people who do nothing but consider how best to bombard you with ads. There are people who consider how best to shield you from those ads. There are people who agonize over font-sizes, “site-flow”, metrics, returnability, content freshness and all sorts of media dynamics. There are grunts like me who help to create and publish the content created by the great hive-mind that is the marketing world. Somehow, I’ve managed through no real effort to be considered an expert in some of these areas. Lets consider that for a moment.

How did this come to be? Is it just that I had been trapped in the insular world of the I.T. world and didn’t bear to think about the other 99% of people who use the Internet like a toaster-oven? I guess that might be the case. I worked a co-op position for an in-house development staff, so there wasn’t a whole lot of “outside contact”, and then moved onto a job in an web-only agency which expanded and imploded in the Great Boom and Bust. For a period of about 4 years there, I was surrounded by either in-house IT complacency or being held aloft by the dot-com who-needs-the-rest-of-the-pie bubble. It was a little like the whole evolution of IT, condensed. Going from slaving away in a cave to being fired out of a cannon, exploding, then drifting lazily back to Earth. Now that I’m in a world and a time where this Internet technology is finally considered as just another tool in the handy-bag, I’m learning more about the rest of it all and at the same time spreading what knowledge I’ve gained on my albeit short journey. It’s nice to feel wanted.

It’s not to say that there aren’t people here at work who don’t get the Internet (I’m sure there are a few, but they don’t necessarily need to get it), but there are folks who just aren’t confident in their knowledge thereof. Like the toaster-oven analogy before, they know it makes toast, but don’t care and don’t need to know just how hot it gets or why it gets hot in the first place. They come to me and say “so can I cook a pizza in that?” and I respond (as per the usual) with “yes and no”. I am assuming that the next part is where I’ve gotten myself into that “trusted expert” role. I usually then attempt to explain to them why you can or cannot do that, or sometimes even why you shouldn’t do that, and then suggest something completely different, like a bagel. It’s all about understanding a communication.

Too many times, I’ve seen or heard thing that other IT-related folks do that simply make me cringe. I ask “Why do you want to do that?” but with a positively inquisitive tone. I’ve heard on a number of occassions a dismissive slant to that question – think of that character from Saturday Night Live – “Nick Burns – Your Company’s Computer Guy”, and you’ve got it about right. Dang. That just gives IT folks a bad name! The whole reclusive, mind-boggling, superiority-grappling nerd thing is so played it makes me sick. I know it’s hard for people in the IT departments of the world to realize that technology is just a tool and we are but mechanics. I’m talking humility here.

Maybe that is what I’ve been angling for my whole life. The whole mechanic/artist thing. Mixing technology with the intangible to create something more than both. I still don’t think I’m very good at it — that is to say I know folks who are certainly better than I am. But having people look to me for recommendations and information is both nice and bewildering.

O, what a glorious site to behold! The noble baking potato, expelled from a humble collection of plumbing supplies, cracking the silence with a percussive “PHOOOMP!”, inciting glee onto the faces of those who stand witness.

Imagine if you will a rough and ready collection of irregulars, bound together with the love of Science and the need for senseless aerial bombardment, executing the flawless mechanics demanded by such revelry. Then imagine that on a boat in a lake. Further, imagine that with much beer. Poseidon we respect ye not!

Finally, imagine revellers, merry-making and explosions to delight the soul! All there in the lawless, beautiful abandon required of such activities – Southern Indiana!

That, loyal readers, is what transpired this last Monday, July 4th. We have pictures to prove it: 2005.07.04 – Splosions!.

Much thanks to the Dillon family at large (save for Dalton – what a sucker. He chose Florida over incendiary tubers!) for hosting the event. A grill was lit, a boat was launched, and much champagne (of beers) was had. We celebrated the 4th of July in grand and ostentatious fashion, though the Right-Honorable Raging Bazooka Bear of Destiny did fall that night, inciting a near panic. “Hide behind the trees! The trees are our safety!”

I do hope that next years event will be as grand – hopefully, perhaps more arrogant in its flaunting of Science!

Thanks to Charlie Dillon for the photos!

Hell yes.

Mathnet from Square One Television was awesome. (Thanks to Najati for the photo).

Cameron Crowe’s latest film, Elizabethtown, will rock for more than a few reasons:

• It was shot on-location in E-town, here in Kentucky.
• There are ear x-tacy bumper stickers.
• My Morning Jacket not only plays in the movie, but some of them have speaking roles (and allegedly they play “Free Bird”)
• Cameron Crowe is awesome.
• Mary Jane from Spiderman is in it!
• Legolas is in it!
• And finally — any movie that has any of the characters sporting an Ale-8-One t-shirt meets with my HIGHEST of approvals.

You can check out a 7-minute “first-look” preview here: http://www.elizabethtown.com/video/firstlook/InternetTrailer.mov.

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Dang, so Kelly is “teh olds” today (as she might say). Twenty-seven years and still rockin’. Last night we went to see teh Batmans and then she and I split a sippable sundae at Steak n’ Shake. I had to really brow-beat her to actually eat something she isn’t medically supposed to, but in the end it was all worth it! It was her birthday after all. (The shake/sundae was set down in front of us, and she said “It’s been so long, I don’t know what to do!”, peering over top of the glass and poking at it with the long spoon).

27 years old, and I’ve been lucky to be a part of her life for 1/3rd of that time! I love you, lady!

Time has probably lost the name of the first person to ever eat an artichoke, but they were an adventurous and probably terribly hungry soul. The artichoke in it’s natural form is not terribly inviting, and the heart that is normally eaten is smallish and hard-won.

Anyway, I love artichoke hearts, but a while back I went to Dallas on work and we ate at a Cheesecake Factory. Surprisingly, they make excellent food aside from cheesecake. For an appetizer, we had some sort of sesame-grilled artichoke. The artichoke was split in two, grilled and had the “choke” (the flowery center) removed. Surprisingly, the normally discarded leaves were slightly “meaty” and good for dipping and eating. Fast-forward to yesterday, when I announced to Kelly that I was going to attempt such a thing for dinner. So, on with the recipe…

Ingredients

• 1 artichoke
• 2 cloves crushed garlic
• 1 can of stewed tomatoes, or 2 whole tomatoes
• 4 tbsp olive oil
• 4 tbsp balsamic vinegar
• 1 tbsp basil
• 1 tbsp lemon juice
• salt and fresh-ground pepper

Directions

• 1. Fill a pot with cold water, lemon juice, salt and the artichoke.
• 2. Bring the water to a boil, and boil for 30-35 minutes. If the artichoke isn’t fully covered by the water, try and rotate it so the whole thing is fully cooked.
• 3. Remove artichoke from water, let cool and cut in half.
• 4. Remove the flowery “choke” from the center, but be careful to not destroy the whole thing.
• 4. Preheat grill, lay the halves on a plate, and baste with the vinaegrette.
• 5. Grill on each side for two minutes.
• 6. Serve on plate, pluck leaves for dipping into remaining vinaegrette. The inner leaves have more “meat” on them, which you scrape off with your teeth. Have another plate handy for discarding the leaves hard skins.

Vinaegrette

• 1. In a blender, add tomatoes, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, basil and garlic and puree
• (As with any sauce, taste for yourself and make adjustments)