Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the better of two evils, a candidate that casts a blind eye towards justice, stands up for chicken rights and family values… it’s Mike the Headless Chicken.Org.

As most of you know, from a previous story on thLocust, Mike the Headless Chicken was decapitated for dinner on September 10, 1945… but then he didn’t give up. Rather than over-reacting and “running around with his head cut off”, he calmly jumped off the stoop and began pecking for cracked corn. (These are called “phantom” pecks, by the by). Mike then rode a wave of fame (pulling in up to $4,500 a month) until dying in a chicken-feed induced bender while on the road.

This is the sort of hard-fought determination I respected John McCain for! We need a leader like Mike, and I’ll be the first to say it. “I Like Mike!”

(p.s. – rumours that Mike frquently called his captors “crackers” are unsubtantiated)